Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm both gender and math confused
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
