whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize