So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
