so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
