SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
