He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
