Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
