im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
