it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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