Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
