I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
True strength comes from lack of pants
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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