I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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