Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize