Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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