He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
