sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
