I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
