dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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