accomplished twins. life is a go
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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