I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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