Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
