i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
