I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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