Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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