I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
