Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
