I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
