WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
