xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize