If that was your dad, he is hot
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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