He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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