I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize