I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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