i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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