i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
