break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
