And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
