Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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