Christians are straight up FREAKS
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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