Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
