He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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