Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
