I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
