I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
