im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Your cock deserves a montage
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
