she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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