I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
