I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
