you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My bed smells like the plague
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