The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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