I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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