Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
