i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
