Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
