I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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