now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
