I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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