I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
