Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
