i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
