i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
