1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I currently don't understand fingers.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
