What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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