lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
cat food counts as protein by the way
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
