You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
