I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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