I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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