there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Too much gin, very little bucket
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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