Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
