I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
