Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
