we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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