i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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