He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
