If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
