I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
