I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
