i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
