I wish my penis had an off switch
You surviving the open bar?
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I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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