party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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