did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
