he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
whose parrot is this?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
