I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Still dying that you shit outside
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
