I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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