you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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