I should be sponsored by Trojan
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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