I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize