New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
