You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i now understand why vodka
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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