Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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