Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
