no, he came in my armpit
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
