This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
