Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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