Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
