Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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