So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
