You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize