OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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