Yo dont text me then not text me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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