I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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