READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
