My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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