Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
