The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
