I hate your face
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
FUCK WHALES
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
