so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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