I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
