Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
