I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
