You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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