trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
